love isn't always easy.

So I have this friend who I dated for almost 2 years. We dated a solid like, 1 year and 9 months but then things got messed up and I told him I wanted a break.. which I thought was for the best. This was about a week before I came home from college for Christmas break. So when I came home he and I were completley out of touch for the first week and a half, but then idk why or how but we decided to hangout. We went to the hookah bar and thats when he told me he wanted me back. Now if you knew him like I do, then you would find this beyond surprising. He is not the type to come crawling back or even show any emotion of being hurt by our break up. So needless to say, when he told me this I was pretty surprised but at the same time very very happy.


Let me just take you back to when we started dating. Things were great, but he was a little controlling. I never thought anything of it but he and I fought about stupid things.. a lot. If I could sum it up, we fought at least 3 or 4 times a week. He didn't want me to talk to guys, have them as friends on Facebook or in my phone, he told me that the "way I talked to him" sometimes wasn't right or how I should talk. He didn't want me going out or I had to tell him before I would do things and that still pushed it sometimes. So, I pushed my friends away and it was basically just him and I. Now don't get me wrong, he's not this horrible, crazy guy.. no. But he just didn't treat me like I should be. It sucked. I don't know why I held on to him for so long.. or why I still am.


So anyways, after he told me how he wanted me back I told him I needed time and that he needed to prove to me that he was going to change his ways and he said he would. That happened towards the end of December. So he's tried.. yes but we still fight and he still acts the way he used to and I'm not sure what to do at this point. He's put me through so much emotionally and I still put up with it. We are not back together but we are working on it, but still.. if he's not willing to change then I am not going to be with him, and for some reason his pride is more important than our relationship.


The reason I am writing this now is because we are in a huge fight right now.. shocker. It started last night when I got home from work. I work for the newspaper at my school and I get no service in the office so I usually just use my iPod to text him. Since I work all day and have 1235465645653 things to do the second I walk in it's not easy to just text him all day. So I get home from work and to sum it all up for you he said he didn't believe me that I was too busy to text him back as much as I normally can. So I flipped. He started a fight over something stupid (like usual) and I finally said something about it. But he's not the type to admit if and when he's wrong so he didn't. But I was working! It's not like I intentionally ignored him or didn't text him back. 


It's been two days now and we have been bickering back and forth about everything and I am sick of it. I love the guy, but I just feel like he is too much for me to handle. He makes me so mad sometimes and I absolutely hate being like that. He makes me happy when were not fighting and yeah, I love the feeling but I feel like i'm more upset than I am happy most of the time.


I just wish the fighting would stop. I wish he wanted to change like he said he would so we can make this work, but I really don't think he wants to. I think he just wants control and I can't be controlled like that anymore. I just can't. 


</3 :(