m.i.a.

wow, well I sure went MIA for a while huh? Sorry about that, ever since I came home from school I have just been too busy to even get out my laptop, but no worries, I think I am at that point where I need to do this again. If not to make me happier then to relieve some stress. I have been home for about a month now and I am pretty much ready to go back to school. There is a lot going on that I am not sure whether or not I want to discuss it on blogger yet, but I will keep you guys updated. As of right now however, shit has hit the fan with my family. Everyone is pissed at everyone and its almost as if the siblings are teamed up against the parents. I know this isn't something out of the ordinary, but this family has never felt like this. Yeah, we've had our fights, but nothing ever like this before. And I am not sure when, or how long this will take for it to get better. All I can do right now is stay far, far, far away from here, or at least as far as my car, which is currently past E, will take me. 


I hope this gets better soon, but I am not holding my breath


miss you guys <3;

it's been a while.

how is everyone? Sorry I have been so out of touch lately.
I am doing okay, I've been so  busy with school and work I barely have time to breathe anymore. 
I got really sick today, kind of a 24 hour flu thing. It really sucks :[ I have so much shit to do and I really just want this to go away. I went to the store and bought medicine but it is barely helping so I am going to try and sleep it off. I have finals in a week and I can't exactly concentrate with a migraine. 


Speaking of finals, they are next week! So that means I will be going home next week for the summer :] I cannot wait to GTFO of here.. I make it sound like I hate it, (some aspects I do) but 1. I am beyond homesick and 2. Next year I will be living somewhere ahhmazing, so I am pumped for a nice long break as well as having my own room and such next year.


well, I am off to bed <3;*

i wish

I wish I could bitch about what I really wanted to on here but I can't.
But I am pissed. Whatever, fuck it. 
People need to text me back now so I know what the fuck to do.
I am sick of being fucking used like this. Seriously. Just because you're almost done doesn't mean you don't have shit to do. fuck that.


i'm done. idc anymore. 


done

i'm sorry, but I am in love

<3

<333

i will.

I am going to look like this. idgaf anymore about anything else.

wowza

so i have been up for 42 hours straight. i'll explain later, but for now... gooooodnightttttt


<3;*

quick question.

on info-mercials, why do they say "for two easy payments of $9.99!" Why can't they just say twenty dollars? Its not gonna make your product suck less, or make people more apt to buy it.


lol just a thought :]


<3;*

country

I want a country boy. I've been in this country phase lately and just listening to these country guys sing about love, its refreshing. The rap and bs I usually listen to is so damn degrading to women talking about hoes, bitches and sex. But these country songs are just so sweet. I've decided that I am saving myself for a country boy <3 


So I came home yesterday because my mom had surgery and was in the hospital. She is home now but it is just hard as hell for me to sit here and see her so helpless. It kills me. I know she's getting better day by day, but all she does is sleep and not move. I feel so bad because I know she just wants to get this over with. She just wants to feel better and I want more than anything for her to feel that. Ugh :(


On a better note, I made a hollow book yesterday. I basically took an old hard cover and cut out the inside of the pages and glued them and what not. I found the directions at Stumble :] So yeah its pretty sweet, I'm gonna use it to put my jewelry and knick-knacks in. Idk making it definitely helped me get my mind off of things, but it took a while for me to get all of the pages cut out so my wrist is unbelievably sore right now. It was so worth it.


ah, it has been such a lazy day. I have literally not done anything. But idk what I ca do because I got so bored that I already did my hw.. [i know wtf right?] but I did that and now im just bored :[ all my bests are up at school </3 oh well, I need this I guess


<3;*

when it rains, it pours.

hey guys. So I think I have reached my breaking point. Lots of things happened to me this week that I would rather not discuss but it led me to shut down my Facebook and phone. I think it is for the best, at least for a little while. I need some time to myself, to get myself together and figure things out. I had a very bad week as you can tell.. So i think its the best and only choice. 


I haven't told you the most recent news with the guy that I was dating, then broke up with, then got back together with, then broke up with again and then it just turned into a huge mess, but basically after my trip from AZ he wanted to hangout and I flat out told him no. I was nice about it, I explained to him that I just wasn't comfortable with it and so on. He got mad and sent me this page long email basically telling me that he never did anything wrong, I changed and I am a bitch and basically goodbye. I didn't reply, but needless to say that definitely did not start the week off well. I haven't talked to him since then and I just feel so alone. We dated for 2 years, that is my longest relationship and he was there for some important moments in my life. Graduation, going away to college, and he was there when I had no one else. So it's not that I miss him I miss the thought of him, the feeling of always having that someone I could count on. It sucks but like they say, you have to put up with the rain before we can see the rainbow.. so I am hoping thats what this is.. but you know what they also say..


when it rains.. it pours

wow.

okay I am seriously starting to question the fact that not all guys are jerks. seriously I don't understand why people have to be so mean. idc if its stupid but this shit is important to me. if you are too busy to talk then fucking text me and say so. don't just downright ignore me. it's not like I am going to bitch up a storm. God. I am so done with this. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I thought that letting go of the guy who hurt me and treated me badly would improve my life, and don't get me wrong, it has, but when it comes to guys.. i just don't fucking get it. If you're an asshole, you won't get anywhere. So why the fuck do you do it. 


fucking done.

don't read if your gonna bitch.

I am sitting in bed like a pathetic baby, crying about being sick. well guess what.. this blog is going to be the biggest rant so if you get offended easily, don't read it. Im pissed the fuck off and i don't even know why. every little thing can and WILL set me off. I am sitting in bed with the fucking flu. I have a goddamn test tonight that I haven't even studied for and don't fucking PLAN on studying for cuz I don't give a fuck right now. I'm pissed at the fucking male population because all they fucking do is think with they're tiny ass dicks. I'm pissed at myself for forgetting about my english assignment. I'm pissed at my ex for being the biggest jerk and also pissed at myself for ever fucking talking to him. FUCK TODAY. 


so needless to say..

long time no talk

so I know I promised a play by play on my vacation, but unfortunately I had no wifi ... ANYWHERE.. so that was legit impossible :( but my lovesss I will update you soon.. i'm sick and I just want to sleepp
don't hate me :]


<3;*

:]

Just a keep a hold on me don't let go
If you float away, if you float away
Waiting too long for a ship to come
Don't you float away, don't you float away
<3

lkzdjhgas;e'klfdgslKFpghpkgjpsfk; :]

hey dollfaces <3
I made it home safe and sound! :) but it is now 3:40 am and I am so anxious I can't sleep :[ So I decided to re-pack because my suitcase was so full it wouldn't shut lol. I mean I am only going for a week but I need to have options! Ask any girl, they will completely understand! 


AH I am so excited idk what to do! I have to wake up at 9:30 am to take my puppy to my aunts so I am gonna be out of it! But maybe i'll get some sleep on the plane then? :) Ah I will be blogging every second of my trip so stay tuned :]

<3;*

time omg

so I am sitting in class just waiting to go home and time is going by unbelievably slow!
UGH


:[ 


But I am so excited to get out of here! 


Sorry this is short but I gotta pay attention <3


Song of the day: Echo by Trapt 

<3;*

this is it!

so lovies.. I just finished packing and I am heading home tomorrowwwww<3


Just thought i'd let yallllll knoww <3


<3;*


Song of the night : Bounce by Timbaland ;]

MIA

Sorry loves. I haven't posted in a while but I have been very busy with midterms and such! But now that they are basically over I have time for you again :] 
Break is almost here and I am so anxious to get on outta here! Arizona is so close I can almost taste it! <3
I just can't wait to spend time with my family. It truly is the best. They are the best <3 They are amazing people and I am so blessed to have them. This will probably be one of the greatest breaks I have had so far. I feel like my life is starting to fall right into place. I am happy :]


So since I have been MIA for the past few days let me fill you in on what has been going on.. 
studying.. studying.. going home.. packing.. cleaning.. studying.. studying.. ping pong.. studying.. studying.. work.. STRESS.. studying and some more studying! haha :] and that my friends.. is the way the cookie crumbles! :D


I plan on doing a blog everyday that I am out in AZ and telling stories and posting pictures to keep everyone updated on the gorgeousness of that amazing state and how I plan on not coming back! :] 


Sorry this is short but it is 2 am and I am tirrrrred!


<3;*


p.s. I promise that later on this week and next weeks blogs will be much better and probably longer :] so stay tuned!


Song of the week - You and Me by Lifehouse

enjoy<3

PS

Oh and btw.. 9 days until I depart from this cold, snowy, horribly annoying, bipolar state and enter into my sunny paradise of Arizona <3 I will be tanning, watching hockey, bicycling, and just straight chilllllllllin with my famfam <3 Because they are amazing :) 
#ICANTWAIT




So I went to my iTunes, put it on shuffle and the first song that came up is gonna be my song of the week :) I might do this a lot or just a few times I'm not sure but it seems fun :]


This weeks pick: Memories by Weezer.

enjoy! :]




<3;*

monday night madness

That title is very misleading.. lol I am sorry to inform you that there is no monday night madness, just monday night Harry Potter movie marathon with the roomie and not doing any homework whatsoever :) I know I know, its nerdy to watch Harry Potter... but I can't help it. And its a great way to NOT do homework :)
We did have a snow day today! It was great.. I didn't get anything done other than the essentials of survival like sleep, shower and eat and now the HP marathon :) 


Whatta great day <3




<3;*




lkejfhgiwyahsl 

headaches suck but snowdays don't :)

So I just got out of work and my head has been pounding for the last 6 hours. it sucks.


But anyways I went home for the weekend. It was really nice to get out of here for a couple of days but I definitely needed to come back <3 Over my little get away my guy and I talked and officially ended things. I posted about it in my blog earlier but I was a little heated about it because of some things that were said. Now that I have had time to cool off, I am relieved. This relationship was not healthy at all and even though I loved him, it just was not worth it anymore. Fighting literally everyday can get old, fast. We were together for two years so I am upset yes, but I think the reason being is because I'll miss having someone there in that way. Yeah I do miss him, but like I said the bad outweighed the good and I think it was time for us anyways. I mean I definitely let him push me around and he did not trust me, and as we all know, in any relationship if there is no trust, then there is no relationship. I don't want to ramble on about it though because I just feel repetitive but all I will say is that it's time for a new focus and that is me. :)


So.. Its snowing ridiculously here and I am just praying that we have a snowday. I have this new obsession with True Crime Library books and I ordered a few off of Amazon.com. The books are basically stories of true murder crimes (there may be others but I'm not sure) and the process they go through to solve them. They are very interesting! They were used and cheap and I cannot wait to read them but as usual my studies come first so I have to do everything before I can even pick them up. But, if we do happen to have a snowday then I will lay in bed and snuggle up with one of the books and read it :) That sounds like the perfect way to spend a snowday to me right now <3 And since this headache doesn't seem to be passing, that would be a nice break as well :)


Welppp I am off to put together my portfolio for english and study for.. well pretty much all my classes :)


<3;*

</333

"i wish we never met"

Guys: Don't ever say this to a girl


Girls: If he ever says this to you... walk away and never look back.


I was told this tonight by someone I loved, and honestly it broke my heart. i don't even know what to do, think or say but it hurts. I understand that he may be hurting as well but you just don't say that to someone you "care" about or someone you "love"


honestly. .


Screw you.


*update... IT DOES NOT HURT ANYMORE. 

broken..

we ended things for good.. well he did 


idk whether to be relieved or upset but I am a little bit of both.. 


the second we hung up the phone I deleted him off of everything including my phone [which doesn't help because I know his number by heart] 


so idk.. im upset.. but idfk


</3

yo.

I know I haven't written in a few days and I'm sorry. I have just been busy with work and school and I have been trying to keep my mind off of things but I am back! So don't worry :) lol 


So I had work on Sunday and as usual it was long as hell, but it was fun. I had a little breakdown at one point but my boss snapped me out of it. She has a really good way of doing that and idk what I am going to do when she graduates and leaves me here on my own :( I don't even want to think about it.


I think I am going home this weekend with my friend katie! I am super excited because well for one I need to get outta here for a few days and it'll be nice to go home and see my family and my guy friend who I am still working on things with. One of the big reasons I have decided to go home this weekend was because my friend katie, her mom own a professional photography company and she is looking to hire a sports photographer to do work up at my school soooo since I luhhhhhhhh photography and I go here, then thats basically perfect :) The only problem is I would need my own camera, which my mom has a Canon Rebel which is like the mother of all professional cameras and well I have a Sony Cybershot (whoop...) because I cannotttt in any way, shape or form, afford my own Canon :( But I talked to my mom and since I would not be working until next semester or this summer she said we could figure something out such as getting my own camera [which would make my life] or using hers and keeping it up at school in a safe which would also be amazing! But anyways I am going home to interview with her mom and do some trial shoots! So I am super stoked! I also have to start packing early for Arizona :) whoopwhoooppp !!!!!!! only 16 days now!


So anyways school has been going pretty well. I got back my psychology quiz which was on the brain and I received a B which I know isn't bad but like I said before if you get an A the first half of the semester then you do not have to take the midterm which I would love to not take it! So hopefully that didn't alter my grade too much!


Well I know this is short but I really need to go do some homework 


<3;*

I can't wrap my head around suicide.. how can life be so hard that the only way out is through suicide? Suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that is only temporary..You left behind some many who loved you and cared for you.. We could have helped.. if only you would have told us.. or let us. We love you and always will. I know your in a much better place right now and that is the only thing that makes this easier.


Forever in our hearts <3 

bad day.

I just found out that a guy from my high school committed suicide today.. he was a senior. I knew him when I was in high school and we talked once in a while but nothing crazy. I just can't help but feel sad.. He was a good guy, and we were locker buddies </3 


Idk my head is a mess and it has been most of the day.
I can't take this right now.


</3

sidenote.

I hate the elephants who live above me. They are loud as hell and I am convinced that they purposely stomp when they walk just to piss me off. Ignorant assholes.


>:[




<3;*

wahh

my roomie left and I am alone for the weekend.. there is a good and a bad side to this.. 


good: being aloneish


bad: being aloneish in the dark :[


wah :[


But anyways, my friends and I went to Lovers Lane today.. that was definitely interesting. :D


So I had my Psych quiz on the brain today and I don't think I did very well.. I mean I thnk I did alright but not as good as I wanted too. I hope I at least get a B. IDK :[


ugh idk what else to write about.. I have a bunch of hw I should be doing but.. I am doing this instead.


ah :[  


i'll write more later if I think of something that's actually worth writing/reading :]


<3;*

3am

eh.. there :[

night <3;*

okay.

so i'm irritated.. idk why though.. well I do but idk.. its complicated :[


sorry for the unsure-ness.. maybe I can find some pictures/post secrets to help explain my feelings.


<3;*

aidfjadpof

Hey guys! :]


Well today went reallly welllll!


I had my english class which is Creative Nonfiction and I absolutely love it! Its basically creatively writing things that are true.. which I really enjoy! So anyways I had that class today then after I went to the gym. I found $14 on the floor there as well. I found it in one of the hallways upstairs and I looked around to see if anyone may have dropped it but no one was around so I scooped it up! :] That definitely made my day! I worked out for about an hour then bounced! I grabbed some Subway for dindin and when I got back to campus I did my laundry.. it was much needed.. :]


So anyways, I found my camera charger that has been missing since I first got to college lmao. I have lost and then found so many things since I came here. 


Sorry about the quick blog but I really don't know what else to say and I really needta go study for my psychology quiz tomorrow :[ Its on the brain and whatnot soo wish me luck! :]


<3;*

all nighter?

hey errybodyy <3


whatup? Well today has been eventful i guess..? I had psychology this morning which I already told you about and it was fun but best of all i had my comm. test tadaay and I think I did pretty well :] *knock on wood* at least I hope I did!


Once I got back to my dorm I called my mom who I haven't talked to in a couple days which is really weird for me, but I called her and we talked for about an hour about everything so it was nice, but I really miss her :( and my family for that matter. After about 45 min of us being on the phone my dad came home from work and I talked to him for a few as well. I heard my puppy barking in the background <3333333 I miss him soooo much :[ 

This was him when I first got him :] I got him for my 17th birthday <3

This is him now <3 He is so adorable and I miss him :[ 

So anyways, that was my somewhat eventful day! My girl Katie is sleeping over again and she claims we are pulling an all nighter.. i'm not sure why but I highly doubt that will happen. It's only 3 and i'm already beat so we will see how this "all nighter" goes!

Well StumbleUpon is beckoning me so I am gonna go stumble :] If I find anything intriguing I will letttchya know :]

<3;*

23 days until AZ :)

So its Tuesday and I am fighting with my guy friend... shocker.

His dad had a heart attack last night and he is in the hospital and probably will be for a few days so pray for him <3 But this is also the reason that I think he's acting the way he is. So I think I am just going to back off instead of trying to even talk to him because I would hate to have to deal with that and then relationship issues too.

So I had Psychology this morning and it was pretty interesting. We are learning about the brain and neurons and how they work and how when you think your whole brain fires and such.. so I was sitting there thinking about how my brain works when I think.. ? lol its confusing but pretty sweet!

I have a communications test tonight that I don't wanna take! I am somewhat ready for it but I still hate taking tests. I think I have test anxiety, but then again what college student or any student in general doesn't get somewhat anxious/nervous when taking a test.

I am sitting in my dorm right now and I am supposed to be studying but I am blogging and watching Animal Planet Heros Phoenix as I do this and it is sad! These poor animals getting stuck or being neglected.. I just don't understand how people can do such a thing?! But good thing there are people out there who can help.

how can you be mean to this?!?! <3 so cutee :]

Alright well I have to go try and study for this test! Wish me luck!!!!

<3;*

I officially love StumbleUpon

Ah! Okay so the other night I was lying in bed trying to remember old songs from when I was in like, 6th grade and I had pieces of the songs stuck there but I could not, for the life of me put them together and figure them out so I gave up :[ but.. StumbleUpon came to my rescue just now!!!!!!!


here they are <3

Can't Sleep :[

Well... I cannot sleep :[  But its all good because I feel like posting pictures I found on stumbleupon :]

ahh... I love StumbleUpon :]

nightynight<3;*